You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
