A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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