Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
