Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
