the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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