Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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