Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
