How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
