Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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