I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
