actually, I'm a sock model
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
