I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
