Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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