So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
