What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
