Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize