and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you win again, gameday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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