I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
