You're completely useless in the revolution.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
