You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
