.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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