That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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