The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize