alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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