The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
