There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize