ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
