My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looked like the before picture.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize