just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
