And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
