I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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