First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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