I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
