How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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