I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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