dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
