im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
