She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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