I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
