Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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