and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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