I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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