I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
