Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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