i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
