the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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