I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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