I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
