maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
