So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
