It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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