grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
