its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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