I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
