Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
