Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
