She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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