I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
