Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
