Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
