So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
