So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The power of my boobs compel you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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