Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
