dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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