M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
