i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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