I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
