Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
