my sisters under your porch take her home
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
